GEEKOLOGIE RSS TEST THREAD

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This is a short video of stunt woman, entrepreneur, speaker, and educator Michelle C Smith (links to her Instagram with tons and tons of impressive staff spinning, martial arts, and stunt videos) showing just how much Force she's got with some very impressive lightsaber skills (I particularly like the behind-the-back catch). Now I'm still waiting for confirmation from 23andMe, but I think she may in fact be the real last Jedi. For reference, my legs fell asleep on the toilet this morning and I pulled down the shower curtain trying not to collapse onto the floor. You know they say 80% of home accidents occur in the bathroom, but I think that figure is a little closer to I'm definitely going to die there, probably soon. Keep going for the video.

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dive-across-finish-line.jpg
This is a video of Texas A&M collegiate hurdler Infinite Tucker (great name) Supermaning across the finish line in the 400-meter hurdles event to clench the victory over teammate Robert Grant (who's apparently equal parts Confederate and Union general). Man, even in slow-motion these guys still move twice as fast as I ever could, and that's assuming I'm being chased by a man with a battle axe, and we aren't LARPing. Keep going for the full video.

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where-is-my-mind-glowing-string-bass.jpg
This is a video of musician TommyLeeDepp performing a bass arrangement of the Pixies' 'Where Is My Mind?' (best known by non Pixies fans as the song at the end of Fight Club, which I shouldn't even be talking about) on a guitar with blacklight reactive glowing fluorescent strings. It's much chiller than the actual full song. Something I could get intimate to? Now THAT *winks* remains to be see-- oh, nope, my girlfriend is shaking her head no. Keep going for this video as well as the original while I perform a diving elbow drop on my unsuspecting coworker Greg from the top of our shared cubicle wall.

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ai-generated-pokemon.jpg
These are a couple handfuls of the AI generated Pokemon created by Michael Friesen using a neural network. You can see a gallery of a ton more of them HERE, and download the pre-trained model he used to make them all HERE. You can read a complete essay explaining how I do that thing I do that drives all women wild HERE. "That link didn't work, GW." Are you surprised? Thanks to Davey W, who's not convinced Nintendo hasn't been artificial intelligence generating Pokemon since generation V at the absolute latest.

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jump-through-trampoline.jpg
Presumably initially intended to be sent as part of a video resume while applying for a circus job, this is a super short video of a man tearing through a trampoline while prep bouncing for a double backflip. I like the sound he makes after he hits the ground. No word if this man is now shorter than he used to be, but if he was able to dunk a basketball before I bet he can't now, and may require a booster seat at Denny's. This reminds me of when I was in middle school and a chubby kid in my neighborhood broke my buddy Corey's trampoline and-- "The chubby kid was you." The chubby kid was me! Keep going for the video, complete with "OWW."

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This is a video from a recent Pittsburgh Pirates home game at PNC Park of a fan participating in a life-size Super Mario inspired prize game on the giant LED screen located in the right outfield wall. He seems to do fairly well until he trips and bites the dust. He's *makes umpire signal for out* outta here! "I'm pretty sure two pelvic thrusts isn't the signal for out." *shrug* I don't watch a lot of baseball. Keep going for the whole video.

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positive-lightning.jpg
Note: Watch your volume. This is a video of a rare repeated flash of positive (aka continuous current) lightning captured by Erica Hite of Boynton Beach, Florida while filming the rainstorm to send to her friends and family *removes self from group chat*. Positive lightning can allegedly be up to ten times stronger than regular lightning, or about half the strength of my non-dominant (right) bicep. *flexing* "Do you take drugs?" Like steroids? No, I'm all natural. "I meant like hallucinogens." You're rude! Keep going for the video while I deny ever breaking my arm swatting a mosquito.

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pickle-split.jpg
This the $7.50 pickle split available from the Pine Mountain Country Coffee House in Desoto, Missouri. The dessert is the brainchild of the coffee house's co-owner Deanna Farrar, who in her teens "took a weird food combination dare" that gave her the idea. I assumed she developed it because pickles and ice cream are one of the most stereotypical pregnancy cravings, but I also don't pretend to know anything about sex, reproduction, or women in general. The split, which is made with Vlasic kosher dill spears instead of Chiquitas, is allegedly "unexpectedly good" and that "the umami of the pickle brine combined with the sweetness of the ice cream create a mouthwatering sweet and sour experience." An interesting concept, but just admit it -- you had a nasty falling out with your banana supplier. Keep going for a video news report, which includes at least one hat wearing Instagram lady.

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cotton-candy-cloud-coffee.jpg
These are two videos (one from Singapore, one from Beijing) of cafes that serve coffee with a cloud of cotton candy hanging above the cup so it slowly rains sugar into your drink (coming soon to a froufrou coffee shop near you). Granted it's not the most efficient way to sweeten your coffee, but it's certainly one of the most whimsical. Me? I don't have time for a cotton candy sugar shower when I need a caffeine fix. For me, coffee is rarely an EXPERIENCE, it's a necessity for not falling asleep at work before lunch. Unless we're talking about butt-chugging, in which case not only is it an experience, but a real eye-opening one. For both of us. "Wait, what?" Now hold this funnel over my head and don't spill anything. Keep going for the videos.

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rotary-phone-challenge.jpg
This is a video of two 17-year old boys (born circa 2002) who were challenged to dial a specific phone number with a rotary phone in less than four minutes. It was a real nail biter. I like how they originally start dialing from the bottom of the finger stop and dial TO the number they want. They also just leave the handset on the receiver. Although eventually (with a little help), they are able to figure it out and make the call within the time limit. A life skill that should come in handy in the event, and only in the event, they're ever visiting their grandma like decent grandchildren and her house catches fire. Now let's see if they can make a call with a pager. Keep going for the video while I speculate what was in that Harry Potter chest. UPDATE: a $275 house-specific boxed book set.

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Remember last weeks's video of The Little Geo Metro That Couldn't crashing into the side of the hill it was trying to jump? Well here's some footage from inside the vehicle. It really gives you a sense of just how not nearly fast enough it was going to ever stand a chance of making that jump. Plus the passenger's safety helmet comes off in the crash. Next time you might actually want to strap that thing on before performing whatever bad idea you've come up with, because Darwin does award silver medals. Keep going for the video, complete with slow-mo wreckage and the original video for reference.

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giant-key-keychain-1.jpg
This is the $25 Key Key Chain Chain created and sold by Studio Cult Co. The giant key measures four-inches in length and will make all your regular keys feel inferior. Obviously, it's perfect for the person who wants to give the illusion of a flat boner in their pocket. Does it actually open a secret door somewhere? I doubt it. But maybe -- just maybe -- it's the key to my heart. "I thought that was pizza and beer." It is. "But can I stab you with it anyways?" Do what you must. Just a heads up though, don't be alarmed if my heart starts spewing waste instead of blood, because-- "Your cardiovascular system is basically a giant sewer." Exactly, you get it. Strike true my love. Keep going for one more shot.

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This is the Kickstarter campaign for the SlideAway Basket, a quick to use storage solution for LEGO bricks and other small toys. Provided all the toys stay on the mat (unlikely), when you're ready to put them away you just lift the basket's giant draw-string tongue and lift it up, dumping all the blocks back into the basket. Currently, $17 will get you a small tabletop sized SlideAway (the On-The-Go), and $30 for the larger floor version. Alternatively, just commit to a life of cursing because you stepped on something painful in the middle of the night on your way to the kitchen for a midnight snack. For reference, last night I stepped on a Hot Wheels then angrily ate a piece of cold pizza, a Greek yogurt cup, and mistakenly returned the chocolate milk carton to a kitchen cabinet. Keep going for a promotional video.

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texas-road-rage.jpg
This is a vertical video captured by a motorist on Interstate 635 near Dallas, Texas of a driver in a Chevrolet HHR who, mad as heck at the guy driving a Subaru WRX who won't let him merge into his lane, decides to sideswipe him, then get out his vehicle with the machete he was conveniently carrying (I suspect this might not be his first trek through the jungle) and break the dude's windows, then get back in his car and try to speed in front of the WRX, crashing into it again and getting spun around. 0/5 stars for the future of humanity, why doesn't this keyboard have a nuke button? Keep going for the video.

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new-grocery-store-receipt-1.jpg
These are a few photos from Netflix senior data visualization engineer Susie Lu of an improved grocery store receipt she's developing that visualizes the percentage of total cost spent on each different type of food, as well as a food's relative cost to the most expensive item purchased. Interesting. Will it help people shop smarter or healthier? Probably not. I mean, I can easily see on the back of the Double Stuf OREOs that a serving size is 2 cookies and 140 calories, but is that going to stop me from eating the whole package on a Saturday morning? No it is not. The only thing that could possibly stop me is-- "Your mom hiding them from you." OMG, did you see where she put them?! Keep going for a couple more shots. Also, whatever you do, don't tell CVS or there will be a worldwide paper shortage.

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bob-ross-motivation.jpg
This is a carefully selected five episodes of Bob Ross's 'The Joy Of Painting', selected by the folks at Hyperallergic for MAX INSPIRATION AND PEP TALKAGE. Sure you could just watch any of the 403 episodes (the entire 'Joy Of Painting' catalog) legally available on Youtube and leave feeling better, but these five are the ones to watch when you need that extra...what's the word I'm looking for? "Punch in the gut." Bob would never do that. "He did beat the devil out of those brushes though." True! You know, I think you might actually be on something. "You mean onto something." No... Keep going for the videos, which are, in order: 'A Walk In The Woods' (Season 1, Episode 1), 'Meadow Lake' (Season 2, Episode 1), 'Happy Accident' (Season 11, Episode 13 -- my personal favorite), 'Mountain Ridge Lake' (Season 23, Episode 3), and 'Mountain Serenity' (Season 28, Episode 12).

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stranger-things-lego-2.jpg
These are a bunch of images of the official Stranger Things LEGO set. The 2,287 piece set will be available June 1st and features the Byers family home with decorated rooms (including Christmas light alphabet wall with light-up function projected from above) in both right-side up and Upside Down varieties, and the entire set can be flipped to display either on top. Pretty clever. Also, pretty $200. The set also includes eight unique minifigs of Eleven, Mike Wheeler, Lucas Sinclair, Dustin Henderson, Will Byers, Joyce Byers, Chief Jim Hopper and the Demogorgon. Wait -- no Jonathan, Nancy, Steve or Barbara? *putting Eggo wallet back in pocket* You almost got me, LEGO -- you almost got me. #TeamBarbs Keep going for a ton more shots including closeups of all the minifigs (complete with Eleven's LEGO Eggo), as well as an 80's style commercial for the set.

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navy-skydrawing.jpg
Thanks to a Freedom Of Information Act inquiry finally being used for good, a transcript of the Navy EA-18G Growler jet crew's conversation while drawing a giant penis in the sky above Washington state (links to previous post about the skywiener) has been made available to the public. The real meat of the conversation:
"You should totally try to draw a penis," the (pilot's cockpit partner, an electronic warfare office [EWO]) advised. "I could definitely draw one, that would be easy," the pilot boasted. "I could basically draw a figure eight and turn around and come back. I'm gonna go down, grab some speed and hopefully get out of the contrail layer so they're not connected to each other...." "Balls are going to be a little lopsided," the pilot advised. "Balls are complete," he reported moments later. "I just gotta navigate a little bit over here for the shaft." "Which way is the shaft going?" the EWO asked. "The shaft will go to the left," the pilot answered. "It's gonna be a wide shaft," the EWO noted. "I don't wanna make it just like 3 balls," the pilot said. "Let's do it," the EWO said. "Oh, the head of that penis is going to be thick."
The punishment for the crew responsible has not been released by the Navy, although I can only hope it involved taking a course in drawing human anatomy, because that is a very rudimentary penis. I mean, our ancestors drew more convincing penises in the caves where they slept, and they didn't even have jets. Keep going for two shots of the member for reference.

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arizona-nunchucks.jpg
This is a short video of Arizona Attorney General Mark Brnovich slapping his nunchucks around to celebrate their removal from the state's list of deadly weapons. For decades, owning a pair of nunchucks was a felony, and you were only allowed to use them if practicing for a martial arts competition. Mark claims he "pulled his old nanchaku out of storage...like riding a bike," although I get the feeling this is a video of a man who secretly never stopped swinging illegal nunchucks around in his basement at night following the ban. Besides, isn't having a pair in storage still owning them? Now I'm not saying I'm clearly the rightful Arizona Attorney General after calling Mark out so eloquently, but as my first order of business I want my face on all the packs of cigarettes. "You're thinking of the US Surgeon General." This job sucks and I want to go home. Keep going for a rare video of the fifth Ninja Turtle as well as a local news report while I try to learn more about this way of the drag-on.

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truck-with-lawnmower-engine.jpg
This is a video of Carson Duba giving us a tour and brief driving demonstration of the early 80's Dodge Ram pickup he modded with a $120 single-cylinder 6.5 horsepower (212cc) lawnmower engine. He actually performed a surprisingly smooth job with the modification instead of just Mickey Mousing it all with duct tape and blood like I would have done, and the truck is capable of driving in both forward and reverse up to 20MPH. Granted it seems like he spent an awful lot of time and effort on something that's more novelty than it is practical, but how else are you supposed to spend your weekends in a place that looks like that -- working overtime at Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru's moisture farm? Keep going for a shot of the engine used and the video.

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